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Bloggers are people too…aren’t we?
By dana | September 28, 2007
Marty Weintraub recently took us all to charm school in a brilliantly straightforward post on the enduring power of good manners. He describes the power of simple acts of gratitude and respect to your online peers.
It’s astounding how social media vernacular is sometimes nearly devoid of traditional niceties like “please”, “congratulations”, and “thank you” in typical conversational syntax. Basic stuff our grandmothers taught us somehow seems unnecessary to many.
Reading Marty’s post made me think a lot about a strange dichotomy that seems to exist in a lot of us who live a large part of our lives online. Are we the same people in online interactions that we are in offline meetings with colleagues or even while interacting with friends or acquaintances in social situations?
Think about it. Many people find online communities as a great escape from real life. A freeing experience that allows you to be whoever you like without the constraints of what you have been in the past, what you look like or how uncomfortable you may typically be in everyday social interactions.
But what kind of a blogosphere would we be typing in if each and every interaction took place without the veil of anonymity the internet provides or the comfort that geographical distance ensures? If you knew that each and every action you took, every comment you made was being directed towards a living, breathing human being who you would likely see later that day or run into at a party that night, would you use the same words or take the same actions?
Would we really need to be reminded that when someone does something nice for you that it is appropriate to say “thank you”? Or that when you ask for a favor or advice you should really preface the request with a simple “please”?
Would you run up to someone you don’t know on the street and ask them to help you or to be your friend without some sort of introductory discussion?
I’m interested to hear what you think. Would your offline friends recognize your online persona? Are you a nicer or more outgoing person online? Conversely, are you a bit more direct or even harsh with your criticisms in cyberspace?
Do you think it’s necessary to adhere to offline social protocol when approaching or interacting with strangers online?
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September 28th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I’m antisocial. In the offline life I barely can count five friends. If I did the same online, I’d be the only one who reads my blog. My offline friends are not interested in internet; they know I’m doing “something” to make money on internet, but they don’t know my blog. Actually they forced me to blog under a pen name, from too much love: they were eager to click on my ads to help me earn better.
Only very recently I understood the power of social media, and I started to make and preserve some online connections. Yet I’m not comfortable in approaching people I don’t know. Many times I comment on blogs, then I delete the comment instead of submitting it.
September 28th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
I’m about the same offline and online - open and friendly to everyone but also a private person - I have always wondered whether the affinity to the mafia social traditions have affected me somewhat but I am at least friendlier than them I hope. Also, I actually find very little differences between both areas - in fact, one reason why people online seem to lack ‘basic social manners’ is because, I believe, most of them are here as ‘businessmen’ first, a person after.
September 28th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Hi Simonne, Thanks so much for commenting here. You’re right, it’s imperative for a blogger to be social to some degree.
I think there are probably a lot of people who wrestle with the good old comment and delete. I know I have. I’m pretty outgoing online and off…but I find myself having some anxiety of whether my comment is good enough to be alongside some of the big names on the blogs I read daily…I’m starting to get over that now, but it’s still causes a bit of angst
September 28th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
This is just my opinion but I think Blogger and IM spend wayyy too much time online
Which isn’t a good thing at all.
September 29th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
@Warrior You’re probably right. But there are some that don’t spend enough too
I think finding a happy medium would serve us all well!
September 29th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.
I’ve struggled with the concept of anonymity since I began my internet quest. I have been in a slow “coming out” process since August (due to Wayne Smallman’s urging to “de-cloak”), and I haven’t imploded yet…
I think this issue really depends on your blogging niche. The SEO/marketing/etc. community has been extremely nice (much nicer than most of the people I know in “real” life), which has made it very easy to be myself. The celebrity gossip genre, on the other hand, doesn’t seem as welcoming…
Food for thought, at very least. Thanks Dana - I was hungry!
September 29th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
You make a good point Kate. I know different people have different reactions to each “crowd”. But my observations have been the same as yours in terms of the SEO/Marketing corner of the world.
I suppose there could be many reasons for that. My natural conclusion would be that we are just where we belong and found ourselves among the people that are interested in the same things and therefore, “get us” as we “get them.”
Also, I’d have to assume this crowd is much more open and friendly because they were at the head of the class in understanding the value of connections and networking online and the detrimental effect of not building relationships and “friends”!
Whatever the reasons behind it…it’s a lot of fun
September 30th, 2007 at 9:00 am
It’s almost like the rules of movies, where rule #1 dictates no one ever says goodbye at the end of a phone call.
But seriously, the same rules apply here on the web as they do in real world.
I don’t suddenly suspend my sense of good manners and politeness for some sake of convenience…
October 2nd, 2007 at 8:44 am
@Wayne I don’t know whether the reason people don’t follow the basic please and thank yous from the real world online is because they’re too busy or it’s not convenient. I think a lot of the time it’s out of fear…fear that we’re not worthy of communicating with Authority A or that Authority B is just going to be bothered by little old me.
Thanks for your thoughts Wayne!
October 3rd, 2007 at 4:49 am
Dana, a very good article! This is one my biggest beefs about the internet, not just the blogosphere: the behavior of some people online is deplorable.
Please, thank you, and congratulations are three words seldom used. There is almost an expectation from some users that what they want from you can be gained simply on demand.
I will tell you I remember those people who are courteous but I avoid people who exhibit boorish behavior.
To answer your last question: absolutely, yes!
October 19th, 2007 at 12:38 am
An excellent post - and I thoroughly enjoyed reading the comments. I can relate to just about everything here from comment anxiety to anonymity. Wen I first started visiting blogs I was riddled with anxiety whenever I thought about commenting. Now it’s no big deal.
When I first started doing business online, I also questioned whether I should have a “social” persona and a business persona. I actually did that at first and couldn’t stand being behind a veil. After being in business for myself for a while and gaining confidence - I realized people were doing business with ME, not my “company.”
I feel like my passions are very genuine. Business and marketing is usually the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I’m drifting off to sleep.
None of my offline friends share the same passions and I know I bore them to tears when I do start going off on some killer marketing idea or business strategy. And since that’s my passion, I suppose I tend to be more social online since no one else in the ‘real’ world wants to talk about the really interesting topics - like this post for example!
October 29th, 2007 at 8:50 am
Hello, very nice site, keep up good job!
Admin good, very good.
February 24th, 2008 at 4:55 am
It really recoiled and she gasped.